I don't know why but I feel compelled to write this.. At this moment I don't really care whether its emo or whatever.
A year ago, I would have been busy with RC Prom Nite just like how my juniors are now.. I would be attending endless meetings to make sure everything's done and going through the emotions with 14 great other people and a great Sir.
Now, I'm left to ponder where my friendships went wrong. I lost almost 90% of my frens when I became and exco and at the same time I gained 14 other new, talented and not to mention fun brother's, sister's or whatever you want to call them. Not forgetting a super fun, understanding, experienced, father figure. My year with them can never be explained through mere words. We've gone through all the emotions together. Though we are of different races and religious backgrounds, we still stood by each other supporting each one when they needed it. All of us went through each set of our problems but we always found solace is each other's company. I would never trade anything else for the unforgettable times I had with them.
While I was away, my school friends decided to stop waiting for me to catch up with them so they moved on without me. Most of my time was spent with a new group of friends and the activities we organized so whenever I was free, I was too exhausted to go hang out with them. And being so overwhelmed by the work load of the organizing, studies, and keeping up with my friends, it didn't give me much time to catch up with them and alot of times forgot that I was suppose to RSVP them. I missed loads of bday's, outings and parties. So slowly but surely, they just stopped inviting me for things, and I just stopped trying to keep up with the lastest gossip within them.
A year later, its pretty much the same. The starting of the year was a bit awkward and pretty sucky. I was condemned by my friends. They cursed PBSM for reasons I still don't know. To them I had my name was non-existent. My primary name was Emo. If they wanted to call me from the front of the class, they would shout Oi, Emo! EEEEEMMMOOO!!! and I had to answer to that name. So this went on for almost half the year when I finally told a close friend (who was nice enough not to be like the rest and replace my name with Emo) how I felt and he/she told the person who most frequented calling me that. We more or less settled that and went BACK to pretty much not talking to each other.
I use to be so close to everyone, or so I thought. Now even touching them is like a disease. Wait, not even touching them, standing next to them is already like a disease. I mean how is someone suppose to feel when you go up to them, say hey and just stand next to them and in a split second, everyone runs in all direction and just leave you standing there?? Seriously, how am I suppose to react? *it is abit exaggerated bout the split second and running part but the rest happens. I use to able to sit next to them and be okay. But now I can't stand within a few feets radius. I gotta admit things have gotten better but its really pains me to see their reaction when they see that I'm coming towards them. And I guess like all friends do, they made new, better, more fun friends while I was away.
I feel so disconnected from my friends I've ever felt. I felt like I've lost all my friends while I was away. And I will never regret being away. I always hoped that some how though I was away for some time that I would still be one of them but I guess that isn't coming through. I really wanted to hold on to the hope that I would still have them as friends after I leave school but I guess that's not going to happen and I just have to live in the real world and face the facts. So I guess this how far my friendship goes with them.
P/S : Names were not mentioned in this post for obvious reasons. The people SHOULD know who they are.=> I would hope that one of them would read it and finally understand why I react the way I do and just understand.
